The holidays

I guess "The Holidays" are upon us, because I have started hearing things about "are you done with your shopping?" and seeing the decorations.

I know it gives some people great joy and pleasure to engage in all the holiday business, and this isn't really directed at them, this is for the rest of us. To me, when I think about "The Holidays" a few keywords come to mind: obligation, stress, consumption, waste. It isn't about being a freaky hippy, it truly gives me no pleasure to think about getting a gift for everyone in my family.

First of all, I'm terribly un-creative about this sort of thing. Secondly, we never have the money. Even if we only spent $20 per immediate family member, that's like $500. We have a pretty big "immediate" family. Thirdly, it all just makes me feel guilty. I'm sure that is not what this event is supposed to be all about. I hate shopping, and almost never buy anything that isn't food. When I do, its at Goodwill. But if I tell everyone we aren't getting them stuff, or not to get us anything, I don't feel like I'm just being true to myself, I feel like I'm being a jerk. Or a "scrooge" or whatever. Fourthly, all the stuff about consumption, waste, and cheap plastic crap from China.

This year, I do have a little bit more time (and money) than last year, so the idea of making things for people is a bit more realistic. But again, I'm not very creative and the idea of trying to make something for people makes me break out in a cold sweat. The only thing I know how to do is knit, and I've been working on one sweater for 12 years (seriously!) It would probably take me at least 40 hours to make a hat, and so there is no way for me to knit something for everyone.

I'm going to *TRY* as hard as I can to come up with some easy ideas of things to do for other people that are simple and genuine. I will *TRY* to do one of these things for each of the families we should feel obligated to do something for. I'd like this to come from a spirit of really just wanting to do something nice for the people we care about. If it doesn't, if it feels like a huge chore or obligation, I'm not going to do it. I just can't.

Anyway, here are my ideas:
*Bake goods for people
*Make christmas orniments for family
*Take nice pictures of the kids and frame them
*some kind of class or experience
*uh...

See?! I told you I'm not very creative! I'm going to add to this list as I think of things...If you have any great ideas, please let me know!!

oh, and don't forget. Next friday is Buy Nothing Day!!

Least updated blog ever

I'm just going to ramble here for awhile. I feel like I need to get some thoughts out, in no particular order. And its going to be a pity party, so excuse me for that.

After Jay got his new job in June, it seemed like the logical thing to do would be for me to stay home. I went to a few other job interviews--i think i went to 6 in total, and i was offered like 9 interviews in all. I didn't get any offers. I got told the same thing over and over: that i was an excellent candidate, a great teacher, but there was one other candidate who was a bit more qualified, or who used to work for the district and just came back, or whatever. Its no good being second best when there is only one job.

But I felt fine about it. Fall rolled around and I felt weird, like I have every year since student teaching, when i know everyone is getting back into their classrooms and here i sit...my career doing...something. I wonder if I'll be un-hireable next year because of the amount of time i've spent psuedo-working since getting my teaching license. I think about all the teachers getting their rooms ready, about all the students i had last year and wondering how they are adjusting.

But mostly I felt like substitute teaching was an easy gig. Its very easy, in fact. Its just not very rewarding. But for this year, with Emmett not even being 2 yet, and Elsie's co-op preschool being 3 days a week (and only 3 hours at a time), and all the logistics, me being a sub and mostly staying home with the kids seemed like a good way to go.

But so far, i've not been subbing at all. There is always something, some reason why I cant, or i just don't get calls (I havent been called nearly as much as i was last year from january-june when i subbed), or the kids are sick, or i'm sick, or childcare isn't available, or whatever. So i'm basically a stay at home parent since June, which I hadn't been since summer of '07 when Jay lost his job originally.

And it sucks. I'm hating it. The kids are hard to deal with, and its boring. its frustrating and i can't keep my temper. I feel like a failure as a parent. I'm tired of only meeting people's needs and never doing anything that's intellectually stimulating. I worry and worry that I won't get a job for next year, and that my teaching career will be over before its even begun. I worry that my teaching experience is going to hurt me, rather than help me. It seems like with teaching, its all about being in the right place at the right time, and I never am.

Winter is setting in, and i just feel trapped. Like there is nothing to do and nowhere to go. There is no escape from the constant whining, cleaning, demands and destruction of raising two little kids. I have no time and nothing to myself. I think about getting another job, but doing what? I wish i wasn't in a career where hiring ONLY happens once a year, and where every district wasn't laying people off and making massive cuts across the board. I feel like I need something, anything, besides this and i just cant think of what it could be.

I know i shouldn't feel this way, but I do: that everyone has something going on besides me. People are in school, people's careers are moving forward, people are hanging out with friends or doing projects on their house, people are going on nice vacations, people are having freedom of some kind and not spending every weekend feeling totally frustrated and tired of their kids' BS but not knowing what to do to escape them or get out of the house. I am sure that everyone has their own problems and that their lives aren't really any more exciting or fufilling than mine, but even as I type that, I can't help but feel that...yeah, they really are.

I know this is easier for now. Its simpler. It saves us money. It conserves our resources. It keeps us from being g0-go-go crazy, spending 3 hours a day in your car-type people. Next year, if I am teaching, life will be chaotic, hectic and stressful. We'll be juggling Elsie's kindergarten schedule, her after-school care schedule, my job and possible long commute (that is a sacrifice I may have to make in order to get a job next year), jay's job, and Emmett's daycare. Not to mention the fact that we plan to move this spring, and have no idea where we will live and where Elsie might go to school, in addition to not knowing where I will work. Thinking about all of that makes me feel like I should be greatful for my current schedule. I get to be there for my kids, not just in the evenings and weekends, but all the time. I don't have to worry about dropping off and picking up (except to take elsie to school 3 days a week, but its not conflicting with anything). I don't have to wonder about how much daycare and after school care is eating into my already fairly small paycheck.

I mean, isn't raising your children the most important "job" you can have? i know plenty of moms out there would kill to stay home with their kids but cant afford it or whatever. The grass is always greener. Yes, its simpler and i dont have the guilt of a working mom, but i have the guilt of a mom who is burned out, who yells at her kids too much, who feels bad that she doesn't enjoy being around them most of the time, who feel like she gets treated like a slave. I know i'm not doing "nothing" but i feel directionless, like my life has no meaning. And i have at least another 9 months to go before any kind of major change could theortically happen (and that's IF i get a teaching job next year). Sometimes i feel like "wow, i have so many possibilities of what i could do"...but that is rare. Rather than feeling like anything is possible and everything is wide open, i feel like nothing is going to happen.

I'm a happy recycling nerd

Because our blue roll carts are here!
http://www.portlandonline.com/osd/index.cfm?c=44752

we get to recycle EVERYTHING together in a giant roll cart. the only thing we cant put in there is glass. We can even recycle margerine/yogurt type tubs in there, which previously we had to take to a special recycling place.

I know there are a few other people in Portland who couldn't wait for their recycling cart, but I seriously LOVE being able to mix paper, plastic, cardboard and everything else together. Its just so nice when a city makes recycling easy and a pleasure to do. Hopefully this will increase our already awesome city recycling rate.

Zero waste community

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7502071.stm

The Mayor of Kamikatsu, a small community in the hills of eastern Japan, has urged politicians around the world to follow his lead and make their towns "Zero Waste".
He told BBC News that all communities could learn from Kamikatsu, where residents have to compost all their food waste and sort other rubbish into 34 different categories.
Residents say the scheme has prompted them to cut down on waste generally and food waste in particular.
If the policy spread, it would reduce the amount of food waste, and so take some of the pressure off high food prices.
Kamikatsu may be a backwater in the wooded hills and rice terraces of south-eastern Japan but it's become a world leader on waste policy.
There are no waste collections from households at all. People have to take full responsibility for everything they throw away.
It's a good idea to send things back to the earth so I support it
Hatsue Katayama
Kitchen waste has to be composted. Non-food waste is processed either in local shops which accept goods for recycling or in Kamikatsu's Zero Waste Centre. There, people have to sort their unwanted items into 34 different boxes for recycling.
Residents have to sort plastic bottles (used for fruit juice, for example) from PET (polyethylene teraphthalate) bottles (used for mineral water) because PET is more valuable when it is separated out.
There are specific boxes for pens, razors and the sort of Styrofoam trays on which meat is often purchased. These have to be washed and dried.
The scheme was adopted when councillors realised it was much cheaper than incineration - even if the incinerator was used to generate power.
Winning idea
Many locals are enthusiastic participants. Take Kikue Nii, who strips labels off bottles then washes and dries them before sending them to recycling.
She takes her other everyday waste to the local shop where she receives a lottery ticket in return for a bag of cans.

The community uses incentives to encourage recylcing
She has won a £5 food voucher four times. It's not a huge amount but it's better than nothing.
She is also a big fan of composting.
"I think I produce less waste because I have to compost it," she says.
"When I can't use the whole vegetable or meat, I try to cook it again with wine and so on. It makes a very good soup. Everyone should have a composter if they can."
Her neighbours Fumikazu Katayama and his wife Hatsue are ardent composters, too.
Hatsue says: "I have to do it every day; it's certainty a bit of work. But it's a good idea to send things back to the earth so I support it. I just do it naturally now; it's part of the routine."
The Katayamas take the rest of their waste to the Zero Waste Centre for sorting - carrying the waste bag between them.
Global question
Questions remain about the scheme. Some of the composters are boosted by electric power, which creates greenhouse gas emissions.
And it's possible that the savings in greenhouse gases from recycling are negated by the need for people to drive to the Zero Waste Centre.

Old curtains or kimonos are expertly converted into bags
Natsuko Matsuoka, one of the originators of the centre, disagrees - she says people generally tie in the journey with a weekly shopping trip.
A poll showed that although the Zero Waste policy has many admirers, 40% of people weren't happy about all aspects of the scheme.
The Mayor Kasamatsu Kasuichi is undeterred: "We should consider what is right and what is wrong, and I believe it is wrong to send a truck to collect the waste and burn it.
"That is bad for the environment. So whether I get support or not, I believe I should persuade people to support my policy."
Now he invites other politicians around the world to follow suit

our garden

This year we planted a TON of broccoli. We also were more strategic about where things are located. We had a lot of volunteer sunflowers and tomatoes. oh yes, and jay and elsie made a scarecrow out of scrap lumber. Crows must be pretty dumb because they really don't go in the garden anymore. Now we just need a scareslug.

From front to back we have: zuchinni, oregano, cabbage, eggplant, tomatoes, peppers, basil, strawberries, turnips, beets, sunflowers, broccoli, lettuce, spinach (gone now), cilantro and more spinach (just planted), lettuce, sweet snap peas, parsley, radishes, more broccoli, kale (2 kinds), collard greens and more broccoli. In the way back is a very young raspberry bush that didn't produce this year. Otherwise its been a very good year so far since we planted in march and had good results from that. We will also plant our winter stuff earlier this year (like in august).

Pets and pesticides

So as I was looking at my pets recently and thinking about how I need to flea-treat them pretty soon, i started thinking about the products i use to flea treat. we have done a lot of work as a family to eliminate toxins from our lives. we garden organically, we no longer use chemicals in our house, I buy organic, non-toxic sunscreen, and i even make sure the cups we drink out of are safe non-leaching plastic, glass or metal. I've gotten rid of all cookware that contains aluminum or teflon. We don't use commerical shampoos or laundry soap. We wont use deet or chemical bug repellent. Not only do I worry about the effects these kinds of things would have on our family's health, but I worry about the way they are produced, the by-products of their making, and the packaging they use, and the impact all of these things have on the environment.
And yet, i was not hesitant to buy a very potent toxic flea-killer to place directly on my pet's skin. A chemical that is absorbed in their body, and then released through their pores for over a month. What effect does this have on my pets? or my children as they lay on them, or ingest their hairs? How are these chemicals produced? I'm sure the answers to these questions are disturbing.
I found an article that scared the crap out of me:
http://www.apnm.org/publications/resources/fleachemfin.pdf
and made me think that I might not want to use these products any longer. I'm now on the hunt for non-toxic alternatives that actually work.

One small step

We are now a one car family. the ol' toyota, with only 200 miles to go until 200k miles, is getting donated to charity today. jay is taking the bus to work every day now, which is awesome. his work will buy him a monthly bus pass, which is also awesome. i feel much better about this, and we can really minimize our driving now.

i need to get pictures of our garden on here, complete with crazy scrap-wood scarecrow jay and elsie built. the garden is doing amazing once again this year.

Finally, a blog that lives up to its name

I feel like nobody actually reads this blog, but what the hell. I'll update it anyway. [If you are actually reading this, would you mind commenting? i'm just curious.]

Jay got offered TWO, yes two jobs within a 24 hour period. We thought the choice would be rather tough, but it was made easier by a large difference in the amount of money (ah, money, the great decider) as both jobs had plusses and minuses.

Nothing is happening on my job front, but I think I've decided that I will work part time next year. Because I now have a choice (which is very nice) I don't see the reason to stress myself out while working full time, when I could spend the last year home with Elsie before she goes to school. Emmett is growing up fast, too. I'd like to be around more for them, so this is what I'll do. If I cant find a part time teaching job, I guess I'll just sub again, although I'd rather not, I guess. Its easy, just not very fufilling.

So Jay starts his new, high paying, high responsiblity job on Monday. He is very excited to get his career back on track after almost 9 months of un- or semi-employment.

so...YAY!

Statistics

Laura's job interviews offered: 8
Laura's Job Interviews completed to date: 5
Laura's jobs not offered: 4
Jobs Laura was told she was the second choice candidate: 3
Always a bridesmaid, never a bride: yes
Job interviews pending decision as of 6/16: 1
Feeling jerked around: yes

Jay's job interviews: 2
Jay's job interviews pending decision as of 6/16: 2
Looking good so far: yes

Moving from Portland area: no
staying in current house: yes

And yes, i am a bitch...

I think its funny that gas is almost $4.50 a gallon. Bring it on. I dont care how callous that sounds. Americans need to suck it up and change their lifestyle and stop driving everywhere and this is the only way that is going to happen.

The waiting game...

There is a lot coming up in the next couple of weeks.

June 16: the date of jay's upcoming job interview

next week: i find out if I get a second interview for a job I'm trying to get (teaching middle school science, Gladstone School District)

June 9: I turn 30 :( I feel so old.

We have figured out how to make it through the summer. Jay has a few jobs lined up doing work for the companies he works for part time (one of which told him they were reluctant to hire him on full time because what if work wasn't steady enough? they want to keep him "on contract" which means they pay him to work, and let him go for weeks with no work and no pay. Whatever. I hope they understand that he is going to have absolutely no qualms about leaving them for a regular job if he gets it). One of those jobs involves going to Idaho for 2 weeks straight, which will really suck, but its good money.
Then I will be teaching more juvenile delinquents at Summer School. Its only three weeks, but again, good money.
So we wont starve or have to move in with our parents this summer. Hopefully we can hold out until I start a "real" job in September.

Oh, and someone got into our car last night. Upon finding nothing worth stealing, they took a cinder block and smashed our windshield. What the hell? thanks a lot, scumbag.

I'm trying not to get bitter about the whole job searching process, jay's and mine. It just feels like a cattle-call so much of the time (especially the stupid 3 hour "group" interview i went to). I know something will come up, but i'm just so tired of everything sucking so bad.

Has it been a year?

I think its been about a year since I started this blog, which is crazy. Looking back at our goals, we've done ok in some areas, not so good in others. We drive quite a bit, although we do bike more now. We never could buy only in bulk, although we try. So not buying packaged stuff is pretty much impossible for us right now. Also, since food prices have gone up so much, we've had to stop buying as much organic stuff, which is really too bad. But the price difference is sometimes just too much to swallow.

Still, we do only put out a small garbage can once a month, sometimes one and a half per month, we do still compost and recycle everything, still use cloth diapers, etc. And its only may and we are already eating out of our garden, with the expectation that we wont have to buy any produce from the store between june and october, and possibly beyond depending on how much freezing/canning we get done. We have simplified life enough that we have been living on substitute teacher wages and jay's part time work, and have paid off 1/3 of our car's payment in a year. We do ok on water conservation and line drying our clothes when the weather permits. we make our own laundry soap and are using bar soap for shampoo, conditioner, pet wash, hand soap, etc. We have zero chemical cleaners in our house and wash everything with vinegar, baking soda and castille soap. So i feel pretty good. We could do a LOT better if we didn't drive. We have kept our thermostat low all winter, and i think the car is our main carbon output, which i feel bad about. its just SO hard to motivate yourself to ride your bike when its rainy and cold, which is pretty much always is.

I applied for a lot of jobs, and got interviewed at 2, Corvallis and Gresham, and ended up not getting either after getting through 2 rounds and was #2 in both jobs (doesn't really help to come in second when there is only one job) and that was bit disappointing and frustrating. So i'll keep applying. Jay is interviewing for a job in two weeks, but i'm trying not to get my hopes up, because the disappointments in the job-area have been a bit much this past year and I don't want to feel that way again.

The Good Life

I wrote this post a few weeks ago and didn't post it because I feel like everything I'm saying lately is negative, and i don't want to seem like the most miserable person on earth. I'm not really. I'm trying to get out of a funk...
but I'm going to post it anyway.

I catch myself a lot lately brooding, bitter and snarky. I feel like I've developed quite a sense of self entitlement for some reason. Jay and I both have. I think we both chose careers that aren't big money makers because we like them. That's all well and good (it's what you are 'supposed' to do, after all) and yet, I find myself looking at people who don't struggle with money as much as we do with envy. We chose to have kids at a young age. It has advantages, and drawbacks. The obvious drawbacks are that you have less money when you are young. Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine living my life for anything other than my children, but sometimes I do wonder what our lives would look like right now if we had waited to have kids, if we had chosen careers that paid a bit more...
we'd be where my other friends are, which is owning a house and not having student debt, not having no freetime and a house that, no matter how much we clean, never gets un-messy.


I can't help but feel that the only difference between my life and the Good Life is my attitude. We were both raised as middle-class white kids. I think the expectation is that you will meet or exceed your parent's living standards. I'm very bitter that we have so much student debt (both of our fathers got PhDs for free), can't buy a house (both of our families bought their first home with young children on one income), find work with real job security (both dads had the same job for 30 years, both moms had the same career for 20+ years). I feel like we aren't being given near the opportunities their generation had. And yet, we have so much more than most people in the world, so I have no right to be bitter...


So the reason i'm not feeling like this is The Good/Happy Life is just my attitude. Maybe I should just suck it up, truly be happy for all that I have? Instead of being pissed that I'm approaching 30 and feel like I will never get out from under student debt, buy a house, feel stable, have good health insurance, and so many other things that made the Baby Boomer generation the luckiest generation on earth.


I am interviewing for a number of teaching positions right now. Can I just say that one of the things that makes me feel bitter is how undervalued teachers are. I feel really--pissed--(there is no nice way to put that) that a teacher with a Masters Degree that cost them over $20k to obtain will make somewhere between $35000 to $40000 in their first year. Our family struggles to pay our modest rent and food and student loan bills on less than $45000 a year. I mean, its just children and their future, right? why would we pay teachers a living wage?


Maybe I need to spend less time focusing on the external stuff and be happy for the things that truly matter. It just gets hard sometimes. I feel like I'm one of the last ones of my friends still living like a "kid"--renting, moving every 18 months, trying to get a job, etc. sometimes i really do just want to run away, buy a school bus and live in the woods. I'm tired of the crap which seems to just keep piling up that I can't deal with, things that real grownups have to deal with all the time, but seem to stress me out.

No child left behind

This is the perfect analogy for No Child Left Behind, which is a ludicrously backward and ineffective (and unfunded) mandate of the Bush admin. PLEASE PLEASE let the next president get rid of it. You will not find one teacher or administrator that thinks it has worked or been a good idea. People who are not educators should not try to reform education. They have no idea what goes on in schools and classrooms every day. In an attempt to "leave no child behind" they have effectively dumbed down our education system so that every child will "pass". What level do you think tests need to be at so EVERY child, including ones with profound mental retardation, can all pass them? Yeah.

No Child Left Behind for Football...

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If, after two years, they have not won the championship, their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout and improve on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game.

5. This will will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.

6. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

The Environmental Footprint of Children

I was reading Mother Jones the other day and they had a stat sheet with all the facts about how much waste goes along with having kids.
It goes something like this:

• Americans emit 1,525 tons of CO2 emissions
• 72% of American adults have children
• One American child produces as much CO2 as 106 Haitians
• A typical baby uses 3,800 disposable diapers, up to 5000 before they are potty trained
• Lower birth rates in China equals fewer CO2
• The average american home has gone from 983 sq feet in 1950 to over 2434 sq feet today.
• 96% of American babies wear disposable diapers, compared with 6% of Chinese and 2% of Indian babies
• 60% of American children are more afraid of global warming than of car crashes, terrorism or cancer
• in 1969 5% of households had 3 or more cars, in 2001 23% did.
• US school busses release 3700 TONS of soot and 11 million tons of greenhouse gasses per year
• It would take 223 new trees planted to offset the CO2 produced by a child watching 3 hours of TV a day for 18 years
• 19% of American kids under the age of 1 have a tv in their room (WTH!?!?!)
• Disposable diapers constitute 2.1% of all municipal waste
• the year 2500: that is the year in which a diaper thrown away today will finally finish biodegrading (although the plastics in it will never biodegrade, only break down into tiny pieces which will get eaten by animals or bugs and create toxic pollutants)
• American children, 4% of the total world population, consume 40% of world toy production
• The average student throws away 90 lbs of packaged lunch products per year.

A child born in america today will (over his/her lifetime):

• produce 3.1 million pounds of CO2
• 22,828,508 lbs of water waste
• 16,372 lbs of yard waste
• 7,249 lbs food waste
• eat 1654 chickens, 74 turkeys, 25 pigs, 11 cows, 2 sheep and nearly 19,000 eggs.
• Use 1,870 barrels of petroleum

Kind of depressing? The solutions to me, although we need whole-society, legislative, paradigm-shift solutions as well (in other words, it cannot and SHOULD not all be on the individual) are:

• Use cloth diapers, dry them outside when you can, wash them in cold water
• don't use bleach or other chemicals. It is healthy for your kids to eat dirt and germs. my kids have probably eaten 5 lbs of pet hair since they were born and they are fine!
• Compost food waste
• leave grass clippings on the lawn (seriously! dont bag them up, just leave them there. it turns out fine, i promise)
• eat local organic food, grow your own
• buy bulk foods
• don't drive a lot
• don't buy toys and other crap
• don't let your kids watch tv (or keep it super minimal)
• live close to work and school to minimze transport issues
• don't eat meat (or keep it super minimal)
• don't buy over-packaged food, like lunchables and stuff like that
• live in a smaller house
• don't use electricity, heat, etc when you don't need to (be as efficient as you can)
• for toys/clothes: trade, barter, hand-me-down, or buy used
• don't fly a lot

Earth Life

Instead of Earth Day, or the even more PC Earth Week, why don't we just change our habits permanently? Like a dieter who yo-yos back and forth between skinny and fat, hopping on each new fad diet as it comes along, we talk about environmentalism as if one day or week could possibly have an impact. We can't go on a fad diet, we need real change and it needs to become permanent. Biofuels are a fad diet. Hybrid cars are a fad diet. Ethanol is a fad diet. Biodiesel cars are a fad diet. Shopping for 'green' products is a fad diet. We don't need an Earth Day. We need an Earth Life.

Let's face it, we can't 'conserve oil', compost, recycle or 'buy green' our way out of this crisis. The only solution is a massive restructing of our society, which is coming, whether we like it or not. It is coming because the end of cheap energy is here. Shipping our cheap food over massive distances, cheap air travel, cheap commuting in a car, cheap 3000 sq foot house heating bills, all of that is over. $4 a gallon gas is 2 months away according to the latest predictions.
Everything is going to change as oil gets more expensive, which in my mind, is a very Good Thing. People aren't going to change their habits unless they HAVE to. And believe me, we are all about to have to.
There is no substitute for oil that is going to allow us to keep living the way we have been. There just isn't. The only solution is to use less energy because to do otherwise is about to become prohibitively expensive.

I recently read an article somewhere about how companies have convinced us that the way to save the environment is to save our own families by buying certain products, etc. For example, people buy water from a water company because our tap water is 'unsafe'. Or they buy organic food. Or they buy an organic mattress. While there is nothing inherently wrong with these things, in fact I support it, it does smack of saving yourself and saying screw it to everyone else. If water isn't safe to drink, we need to do something about it, not just buy bottled water. Its kind of like the yuppification of environmentalism. Instead of a movement, we just have another offshoot of consumer culture. I really think a lot of people have bought into this idea that you can 'help' the earth by 'going green'. I've said it before and i'll say it again, every time you buy ANYTHING you hurt the planet. Not consuming is the only solution. You don't help the earth when you buy an organic cotton shirt, a Prius, a box of organic crackers, an energy star diswasher, or anything else. You only hurt the earth less than the standard counterpart. Consuming is not the answer. It has never been. Not buying is the only solution...we need to strive for that ideal, as hard as it may be.

I was teaching my juvenile delinquent students at the night school the other night, and I decided since it was Earth Day that I would focus on environmental issues. We were talking about carbon footprint and how to reduce it, and I showed them how to calculate it. It occurred to me then, as it often does, how incredibly horrible our family is doing at the whole car thing. The weather this spring has been terrible and I've been so not wanting to ride my bike or walk anywhere long distance. We are doing great on every other front, with the exception maybe of food packaging, which I still find practically impossible to reduce further, except car driving. And if you want to feel REALLY depressed about our future, try talking to some high school students. So many of these kids, the vast majority, are so self-absorbed, instant-gratification junkies that they don't care at all about their impact on the planet. They are obsessed with material things. I know some of it is just their age, but I can't help but think that a LOT of it is how we are raising our kids: in front of the TV, exposed to commercialism everywhere, 5000 advertisements a year, video games, IPods, cell phones, fast food, instant EVERYTHING. They get what they want when they want it. They never have to delay their immediate desires. It's sad. Even the poorest kids I work with have an IPod and a cell phone and eat junk food at almost every meal.

Our plans for the near future involve moving to a smaller town. I sincerely hope that this reduces our need to drive. Not that portland is so big, or doesn't have great mass transit, but it is just big ENOUGH that riding your bike everywhere is a pretty big challenge. Riding the bus and transferring all over the place with 2 kids is a similarly daunting challenge. I think my "Earth Life" challenge is going to have to include a limit on mileage...we are going to have to set a limit, such as 50 miles per week in a car, and stick to it. So if we want to drive to salem, we pretty much just used up our whole week's rations in one go. If we want to drive around town, we need to keep track of it and stay below it. Our family has done a lot of work, but giving up or reducing our car use has pretty much....well, it's just not happening. Now if gas is $5 a gallon, i'm pretty sure i'll be thinking differently...

Oh, and we bought a new laptop. GOD! i'm such a hypocrit! we are all hypocrits. How do we live in this society and not trash the planet? Sometimes it feels like the most impossible task on earth. I'm sure the parts to make this laptop were mined by 12 year olds in South Africa.

So...how's that for an uplifting Earth Day message? I just can't stand it when people's solution for earth day is to buy an organic cotton earth day t-shirt. Yeah, that's gonna save us all.

Another article about the dangers of plastics

http://www.motherjones.com/commentary/columns/2007/09/practical-values.html

Pity party

Ok...so...no, in fact, this house isn't going to work out. It turns out there is a whole bunch of stuff wrong with it and the people buying it wont have the money to fix it up. Apparently it is totally uninsulated and is like 110 degrees in the summer and costs $250 a month to heat in the winter. the people buying it wont have the money for new flooring, fixing, etc, for probably a year. so if we want to live on plywood floors...
she also, it turns out, wants a bunch of money for the place. which was not what we had originally understood.

So can we just take a moment to reflect upon all of the bad, annoying, horrible crap that has happened to our family in the past year?

• august 2007: jay gets fired from his job because his boss is a mental case
• september 2007: jay and i both find jobs, start working, find daycare
• our daycare falls through and there is a scary, desperate, last-minute struggle to find new childcare
• october: jay loses his other, new job because his boss is a jerk, which is later confirmed by several other people, but he didn't know it when he took the job. He suffers subsequently from some kind of PTSD where he is convinced that he is actually a bad person and didn't just get unlucky twice.
• november: laura suffers a mini mental breakdown from job stress; jay hates being a stay at home parent
• december: laura's temporary job ends, we lose our health insurance
• january: we get denied life insurance due to a mix-up and are STILL going through the process of trying to get it reinstated
• February: our dog leaps over our fence and bites our mailman. Chaos ensues with the post office threatens to sue us, mail delivery is stopped, we have to take our dog to another state, etc.
• Jay goes to the emergency room for abdominal freakyness
• march: the dog can't be adopted out and has to come back to us to live with us incognito. We have to basically hide him.
• We are told that we have a 'free' house waiting for us across the street from my mom. Hallelujah! we are saved!
• april: oh, actually, no, we DON'T have the house.
• Our computer crashes and we lose all data on our hard drive, including a report for jay's work that is over 15 pages long and all his research for the report. We also lose all of my application materials, resumes, letters of recommendation, etc.
• Due to miscommunication, Jay misses his first meeting with his supervisors at his new part-time, contract-based job. Thankfully they were understanding.
• Laura and Jay realize that we need at least one of us to to have stable, long-term work that provides benefits and so Laura starts looking for a teaching job full time for next year
• For the first time ever, our taxes show we OWE $1000. How is that possible?

Ok, Ok, so on paper, it looks extremely sucky. But there have been good things, too. Right? Ok...

Good stuff....

• when jay lost his job, at least i had the education/training that i could get a good paying job and a temporary position was open at my old school.
• I've been able to substitute teach every day since that job ended and the pay is pretty good, the work is easy and stress-free and its almost always at my school where i know all the staff and students.
• Jay's friends (the ones who cost him his first job due to starting up their new company) gave him a part time job at that new company which has helped him mentally and us financially
• we have lots of family and friends who support us.
• we were forced to take our dog back, which really is better than never seeing him again
• jay has recently been offered and started working for a job that could possibly turn into full time employment. for now, its a good part time job that he can do from home
• we got all our stupid life and health insurance business sorted out (we think!)
• Thanks to our great president, G.W. Bush, we will get an 'incentive' check which will pay off our tax bill and then some
• we will not be moving to a homeless shelter any time soon
• I'm sort of excited to start teaching for real next year
• We have possibly found good drop-in childcare for when we both need to be working
• our kids have never been in daycare or in the care of another person other than short-term since they were born
• nobody in our family is sick or dying (with the exception of some very old grandparents)
• I didn't get accidentally pregnant during this time (this is sort of a joke. whenever jay is really stressed out, i'm always like, look on the bright side, at least i'm not pregnant!)
• we met some amazing people and are in the process of starting something really exciting with them, but this is kind of a secret and i will tell you all about it later.
• did i mention nobody in our family has cancer or anything? yeah.
• i got to go to ireland and it was awesome
• we get to spend some time on the east coast this summer to see friends/family
• nobody has wrecked any of our cars.
• we didn't have to borrow any money or rack up any credit card debt during this past year. somehow, miraculously, our expenses and intake have evened out somewhat and we STILL have no credit card debt. student debt on the other hand...
• our children are smart, fun, cute, healthy, loving, play together now, and are just joyful (usually!)

so yeah, it hasn't been all bad. but it has been incredibly stressful. I try to remember that we have a lot to be thankful for.

Oh, and i LOVE shampoo bar! i will never use shampoo out of a bottle again! and i also love conditioner bar! its the best.

I'm proud to say, we now make our own of the following: laundry soap, dish soap, air freshener, household cleaners, food (our garden is starting to grow again!), bread, kombucha, etc. and i get to mooch homebrew beer off my brother.

on a final note, is it just us, or is food CRAZY expensive lately? i swear we spend more money on food now than we ever have. i sadly just do not have the time to go all the places that i should in order to lower the bill. i need to quit New Seasons and start loving Winco again.

Reunited...and it feels so good...

The last week was full of more dog-drama, but also some good news.

After working on the yurt situation, my mom and stepdad talked to some friends who they work with about the property across the street from them that they are buying (see pic). These people are 'hazelnut" (to Starbucks types, known as filberts to Oregonians) farmers and employ my sister at their packaging facility. The property across the street which is a 100 acre filbert orchard went up for sale and these people bought it. It just so happens that there are 2 houses on this property. My stepdad brought up with them that we are looking to move and they got really excited...they don't care about making money off these houses, they just want people there that they can trust keeping their eye on the orchard...so possibly we can live there for free or REALLY cheap!! this is the best thing that has happened to us since Jay lost his job. the house is huge, 1700 sq feet, which is kind of crazy (considering the fact that we were contemplating moving into a 500 sq foot yurt) but this situation is just too good for us...we're hoping we can move down there in june. we are excited to get back to rural living. We don't want to jinx it, but i SO hope this works out. We will be living directly across the street from my mom. I can keep subbing. Jay can keep working part time. We get to see our kids. It could just be great for us. We could pay off some debt, maybe even save some money! Crazy idea.

So the animal shelter called and said that they can't put barry up for adoption because he is actually designated as a dangerous dog in our county. Um, yeah? but you already knew that. they are claiming they didn't know that. WTH? that is the WHOLE reason he is in vancouver and not at Oregon humane! whatever. I guess the county animal control called them and told them all of this...this was never hidden from them and should have been fully known. I think the shelter worker who agreed to this is trying to cover herself saying that she didn't know he was actually designated. They said it is a liability. I asked them if it was a liability even if he wasn't designated, if he had just bitten someone, and they said yes! But they DEFINITELY knew he bit the mailman! I'm so confused. Plus, he was looked at TWICE by their behaviorist and deemed completely safe and was really sweet and loving there, even in those stressful conditions.

But we figured, whatever. We are moving to a 100 acre farm out of this county. We are just going to take him back. I went and got him. I feel really bad that he was in dog jail for a month. I guess that's what he gets for biting the mailman. But he is back with us now, and i'm glad. If they want to slap us with fines and stuff, whatever. Go ahead. I'm so done with this issue, I don't even care. I know he's not dangerous. The mailman is totally overreacting to a pair of ripped pants. If i thought that barry was a truly aggressive dog, i would just have him euthanized myself. But he's not. He just hates the mailman.

i'm relieved, honestly. I mean, if he would have found a good home, I guess we would have been Ok with it, but seeing him in the shelter, and then bringing him home...his relief was palpable. Poor sophie was beside herself with joy at seeing him. i can't imagine how sad and confused he must have been during this whole time. So we're all back together again. I can't help but feel it was meant to be this way. We may even have to get sneaky and fake his death or something. But probably not. We'll just have to live with a dog who is basically like a sex offender..."hi, my name is barry and i'm moving in next door. I'm classified as a level 4 dangerous dog. The county requires me to report this..."

We've officially lost it

We've come to a nexus in our life that requires us to make a decision. Are we going to move onward and upward with getting jobs, buying a house, keep renting, take on full time teaching, leave portland, or what?

The shelter where barry is located was contacted by Multnomah county animal control. They are now claiming they didn't know that he was "officially" designated as a dangerous dog. All that means is that the mailman filed a complaint. They are now saying its a liability...why is it a liability if he is classified this way vs. if it is known that he did bite the mailman?

So we are facing a choice: find him a home out of county somehow? take him back and move? have him euthanized?

This dog does not deserve to die. If he was aggressive, I would be the first to recommend euthanasia. But he's not. He needs a yard with no mailman access. Its not like the guy got mauled. He got a scrape on his hand. USPS and the county are acting like he's a pitbull capable of killing someone...

We've been talking about moving for awhile. I feel like I just finally broke down last night. The idea of killing our friendly dog, the idea of me being incredibly stressed out working full time, me missing my children's babyhood/last year before school because I am too busy working, working and working and working and just barely paying for our rent and utilities and food and student loans...

We are now seriously looking into relocating into a yurt. On my mom's farm.

Before you get all freaked out that we are going to move into a tent, look at the pictures. This is a large structure on a platform that has a kitchen and everything.

This yurt is totally off grid...a composting toilet, solar panels, rain water catchment system, solar shower.... there is no need for any utility bills. It has a woodstove for heat. Its about 600 square feet plus a loft for the sleeping area. The picture at the top is the kitchen. It basically drains the kitchen sink and then shower onto cobbles on the ground. that's about it. as sustainable as is humanly possible without really roughing it.

If we ever get our own land, we can move it. The whole thing. We dont need to work much to pay for it. I can keep subbing and jay can work. We can grow a lot of our own food and have chickens and maybe more.

We are seriously considering it. Seriously.

See our new organized space! Lots of pictures!

I took some pictures for another organizing/decluttering website, so I'll post them here too. we've been working in the garden all weekend. If these giant 10" long worms aren't evidence of amazingly healthy soil, i don't know what is. We got some crops in the ground today. The weather has been amazingly warm and sunny these past couple of weeks.

I wanted to embed this slideshow into my blog, but i'm too stupid to figure it out today and i'm annoyed now, so you'll just have to click this link.
http://www.flickr.com/gp/24328696@N04/fRR293

I really feel like our space is totally organized. We have cleared out so much stuff. It takes a lot less time to clean up now. It's great. Spring has the effect of making me see how depressed i've been all winter. I feel so great right now, like everything is going to work out and be fine.

Jay's homemade laundry soap turned out amazing. we are trying to figure out how many more things we can do ourselves...its almost like a challenge. jay is wanting to buy a table saw because he loves working with wood and he wants to build things like children's furniture out of used scrap wood.

How to make your own laundry soap

You can easily make your own laundry and/or dishsoap. Here's the recipe. Jay did this today. It ends up costing you 1 cent per load. You make something like 20 gallons per batch. All that's in it is laundry soda (sodium carbonate), borax, and some kind of castille soap. Easy. And fun! And you can add your own essential oil, so it can smell like whatever you want.

http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/laundrysoap.htm

We ordered soaps off that other website. We got shaving soap for jay (old school with the shaving brush style), a shampoo bar and a conditioner bar. Oh, and a bag of remnants for hand-washing soap.

By the way, we went to IKEA last weekend. I know, why? We just kind of wanted to see it. I also wanted to get a hamper for elsie's room. It was such a scary experience. Its like 5000000 square feet of crap made in china with a hip flare. I did buy a kids hamper ($5) and a shoe shelf to organize our closet ($9). bad, bad me. Still, I wonder how many people get out of Ikea having only spent $15? I don't plan to go back. I still feel bad about supporting that kind of thing. We have bought almost nothing new in like a year....blah! Oh well.

plastic-free, chemical-free toiletries

I found a source for shampoo, conditioner, and shaving soap/cream (and hand soap!) that requre no plastic bottles, and no chemicals or weird ingredients.

http://soap-lady.com/index.html

They are made in Oregon, too, so also local! (for us, anyway). I will report back and let you know how they work.

Now if I could just find laundry and dish soap in this kind of format...I guess I could use Dr. Bronners and get it in bulk. We need to get back to doing that.

Getting rid of stuff is addictive

This weekend we totally gutted our closet and got rid of 3 giant bags of clothes. I went to a clothing swap with a bunch of lovely ladies and got some great new clothes, too! It was awesome.

Went to goodwill and found some nice sheets for our bed. Nice to not have to buy them new.

Also totally cleaned out bathroom, and organized cleaning supplies and meds, etc. in the hallway closet. Got rid of some linens we don't use. We are now officially a chemical-free household and are cleaning everything with castille soap, baking soda, and vinegar. we gave away some still useable cleaners that are not so eco-friendly. seemed like a better thing to do than just toss them.

we gave away about 100 things this weekend, mostly toys, kids' books, etc. an old laptop, and a few other misc things.

organized the cups cabinet in the kitchen and got rid of some unused cups. we are now a plastic-free drinking container household, only having glasses to drink out of. there are a few BPA-free sippy cups that are plastic (and they are recycleable).

I also organized and swept out the garage and cleaned up the laundry area! woo!

now i just need to organize and declutter the office closet and today we are going to steam clean the carpet w/ vinegar and baking soda.

I also need to organize the other kitchen cupboards, especially where we keep the spices. i'm not entirely sure how to do that one yet.

Plastics...again

I'm readng this book right now called "The World Without Us" which is this kind of cool thought experiment about what would happen to civilization if humans just disappeared today. What would happen to buildings, roads, farms, power plants, oil refineries, etc.

One chapter was about polymers, what will happen to plastics. Right now...nothing would happen to them. There is no mechanism to break them down. They can get smaller and smaller, but they never go away. As they get smaller, animals eat them at all levels of the food chain. Some particles are so small that krill and plankton eat them. Some companies make facial "srubs" that contain tiny plastic beads...these wash directly into waterways where the smallest members of the food chain eat them.

The worst thing in that chapter was about how much plastic is in the ocean...right now there is a floating "ocean" of plastic debris the size of the African continent in the middle of the pacific ocean. You can see it from space. Isn't that the most sickening thing ever?

Whenever I hold a piece of plastic in my hand...I can't help but think about where it came from and where its going. What did it take to make this, and what will happen to it when i throw it "away". Will it end up in the ocean, where some animal will eat it and die? Or will it just go to a landfill where it will likely remain for the next million years until some bacteria evolves to digest polymers? What toxins were poured into the air and water during its manufacture?

I want to stop consuming plastic, i really do. Is it even possible? What do we buy that comes in plastic, and is there an alternative?

Cleaning products
soap (like castille)
laundry soap
dish soap
shampoo/conditioner
food that comes in plastic containers like bottles of oil, etc.
food in plastic bags such as crackers, etc
bread bags
occasionally shopping bags

i think we can start getting shampoo, conditioner, and laundry soap in bar form. i'm looking into it.

food...we just need to recommit to not buying a bunch of packaged crap. sigh. its hard!

Spring cleanin'

Ok, so it's not really spring yet. But it certainly feels that way thanks to 3 days of sunny over-fifty degree weather.

This inspired us to get some stuff done. Well, actually what inspired us was that we were out taking a walk, and our neighbor was putting a Very Nice Futon out on the curb. We were all "ho ho, what's all this then? This is much better than our shitty futon." See, our computer/guest/random piles of crap room has this futon in it that came from my stepmom Marie's friend Diana. I think Diana bought it like 20 years ago or something because it is more comfortable to sleep on the ground than to sleep on this thing. Seriously. After my stepmom got some years of use out of it, it sat in their basement somehow getting more and more "firm" (read: hard as a rock). And also uglier. Its frame was painted black at some point and a very ugly tropical-plant themed futon cover was placed on it.

Well, on this day, our Lucky Day, our neighbor was putting out a nice wooden futon frame with a nice brown neutral-ish colored cover. And it was still soft! So we had to get it in the car to get it home. This caused us to notice that our car is full of massive piles of crap. So jay totally cleaned the car out, vacuumed, it etc.

This caused us to notice that our computer room was totally cluttered. Which caused us to notice a similar thing about the rest of the house. So we spent the next two days putting crap on the curb for people to help themselves to, putting many belongings on the free section of craigslist (including our old futon which was taken in a record 5 minutes), and aquiring an item like this on craigslist for elsie's room to put toys, books, etc. This caused us to notice that the kids have far too many books, several of which we hate and would be glad to never read again, so a lot of those went, too.

All in all, we totally organized our computer room, elsie's room, the toys in the living room, the backyard, the kids books, the bookshelves, the car, and some of our bedroom. And we went on several walks, spent a lot of time outside, did some yardwork, etc. It was a pretty successful weekend.

We are keeping a decluttering tally on the right hand sidebar. So far we've gotten rid of like 250 things. We have given up completely on all items that "may have some future use if a bunch of things change." If we aren't using it now, it goes. If we don't love it, it goes. We've also given up on "maybe we can sell this." No. Things aren't going to get sold. We aren't going to deal with that. We hold on to things because maybe someday we will get it together and have a garage sale. Sooooooooo not going to happen.

So...so far, we have decluttered, organized, and gotten rid of all non-necessary items in:
The kitchen island drawers and cupboards
Elsie's bedroom
Elsie's closet
All books, kids, adults, etc.
The living room toys area
The computer desk/office space
The office bookshelf
The yard (believe me, there was a lot of crap out there, both literally and the non-disgusting kind)
some of the garage
the two hall closets (except the top shelf!)
the entire computer room
The minivan

We have left to declutter/organize/get rid of junk in:
Office room closet
our bedroom closet
top shelf/medical type supplies in hallway closet
bathroom (should be somewhat easy, there isn't too much in there)
kitchen cupboards
rest of the garage
the camry. if it doesn't die first.
oh, and steam clean the carpet

we're getting there...

It feels so good to get rid of stuff. It just feels so liberating. I fought back the urge to go to Ikea this weekend and buy a bunch of organizing stuff. It seems stupid to buy stuff when you are trying to get rid of stuff...but that is the grip our consumer culture has on us, i guess. I think I might get some plastic totes off craigslist or something to store winter clothes during the summer, etc. But I don't need to get it new. The organizer thing I got for elsie's room was $25 on craigslist. A similar thing at target is anywhere from $60 to $90. At Ikea its $60 to $130. Jeez! just for some plastic bins on a shelf. Lame.

Getting out

As per our simple livin' resolution for this year, we are getting out more. we finally got around to buying a bike trailer ($125 on craigslist) that is a lot nicer than our old one (which was given to some homeless people who asked for it). we've used it for jogging, also, since it has a jogging attachment. there have actually been a couple of days lately that it didn't pour down rain in the evening, and that's when we are going out. it feels good to move the body--i feel like we've been in hibernation mode for months!

this week we had the sad duty of taking our dog Barry to the humane society of sw washington so we could get him out of the county. the oregon humane society pulled a lot of strings for us to get him in there. he couldn't be in multnomah county any longer because the mailman filed a complaint and had him listed as a "Level FOUR dangerous dog"--it required him to be muzzled, never outside, always on leash, a sign up on our property declaring that there was a vicious dog on the property, etc.! it is so crazy. this dog has been in our family for 6 years and has never even come close to biting someone. the mailman gets what basically amounts to a scratch on his hand and suddenly he's public enemy no. 1. There was no way we could rehome him in our county and no way we could keep him. it was a gut-wrenching decision. we are keeping tabs on him at the shelter, and he is doing well and they think he is going to go fast. if you know anyone who might want a GREAT dog (who just happens to hate mailmen) please send them the link to the shelter.

we are in the process of applying for the oregon health plan right now. i know we probably won't get it because your income has to be ridiculously low to qualify, but we really can't afford health insurance right now. its quite the process, but if we got in, it would be so huge for our family. i don't know what we can do otherwise.

The Story of Stuff

A short video to make you think about stuff. You know, like things.
http://storyofstuff.com/

The nice thing about doing The Compact (see sidebar) as we have been now for about 7 months (I can almost count on one hand the total amount of things we have purchased new this past year) is that your desire to consume just grows less and less. This also goes hand in hand with decluttering. You realize how much time you spend cleaning and otherwise managing the chaos of items in your house--you lose the desire to bring more items into your life.

I really have no desire to shop for anything. I haven't set foot in a mall or big box store for about 2 years. I just don't see the need. There are some items that i've bought new this year, such as underwear and things of that nature, but the level of frivoulous spending for items that aren't absolutely necessary is down to almost nothing. It also helps that we're broke.

Here is a simple-living pledge that I think it would be pretty easy for our family to follow this year, since we already do most of this stuff:

In order to keep our lives simple in 2008 we are going to do the following:
*restrict purchases to needs (exceptions for birthday/anniversary/holiday gifts - everyone needs a toy now and again)
*buy used when possible and practical (exceptions for personal care, undergarments/socks, safety equipment, shoes, and medical needs)
*recognize limits of our day, and do what we can, let the other stuff go, and start new each day
*work on organizing life, home and work so that we can fully enjoy our time, rather than spending it on digging through chaos
*make wise choices about purchasing new goods
*be conscious of the impact we have on the earth and try to minimize our footprint
*spend more time outside
*eat well
*move more
*stop and play with our children every day
*tell each other we love one another every day

karma

Jay and I have been complaining a lot lately that our karma has failed us. We used to brag that we had great karma. Since he lost his job, then lost his new job, a lot of other little side events have happened to us. We have just had a lot of stress since this summer.

One of those is that last week our dog, Barry, jumped over our fence and bit our mailman. I know, it sounds kind of funny when you first hear it, like what dog wouldn't want to do that? Unfortunately, it's not really all that funny, because many Bad Things are happening now because of it. One of them is that the post office may or may not sue us. We may have to go to court.

Barry has never bit someone and he is not an aggressive dog. He's never gotten over our fence before, either. But for some reason, he really has it in for the mailman. He just goes crazy when that guy comes. Its like that guy really did something to tick him off. Anybody can walk by and barry might bark, but if the mailman walks by its like he's a pitbull on crack. This is all very traumatizing for us because we are renters and we can't change the fact that the property has a 4' chainlink fence. We have looked at all of our options and have decided that re-homing Barry is the best option. We can't keep him inside 100% of the time. We can't change the fence. Training him would be very, very time consuming and we can't guarantee that it would be 100% effective. Ever since the kids were born, the dogs just haven't gotten the attention and exercise they need. Maybe this will give him a chance to have a better life. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better, but I really believe that. I just can't see another way to work it. It is going to be sad and traumatic for our family to do this, but if he had the right set-up, the mailman issue wouldn't be an issue. I don't think he deserves to die because he is aggressive only towards the mailman.

So we were looking at our renter's insurance and realized they would cover it if our dog bit someone. It would also cover a lawyer if we got sued. The amazing thing about this was that we were in the process of canceling our renters insurance because we thought we were moving. We thought it expired. Then we realized it covered us through the end of this month. I wanted to make sure they wouldn't make an issue, so i went in and reinstated it and payed it through March. We came very close to having a lapsed policy through all of this.

This past weekend we all had the stomach flu. jay had it the worst and was in HORRIBLE pain and vomiting really horribly for hours. I called the doctor and they said he needed to go in RIGHT away to the ER. So he went. It was so bad they thought it was his pancreas or something. It was just the flu affecting him really badly, but you can't mess around when you have severe abdominal pain for 5 hours. And this is just FOUR DAYS before our health insurance from my temporary teaching job expires!

Here's another thing that happened: i was randomly flipping through the paper and came across a classified ad that said 'need health insurance?' i thought 'yeah.' so i called it (brilliant, huh?). This guy called me back and we set up an appointment. He's an insurance agent. Normally I would just apply for health insurance myself over the internet and wouldn't use an agent, but for some reason i just thought it was all too overwhelming and decided to do it. Well, though this random encounter a number of really, really good things happened. First of all, he told us that we should not report on our application the prescription drugs we take because they would deny us. He basically told us that insurance companies are evil and you can't tell them that you have ever had any kind of problem or they will just deny you. It never would have occurred to me that this was possible. I would have just put it down and then been shocked when we got denied.

But the REALLY fortuitous thing was we were talking about our life insurance application we put in a few months ago and we mentioned that it was taking forever to process. He was like "huh, that's weird" and then we mentioned some of the things we'd put on THAT application. He was like "WHOA! you told them THAT?!?!" needless to say, there are some things you just should not tell a life insurance company. it is a need-to-know basis, and they do not need to know. But we're so naive. man, we are SOOOOOOOOOOoo naive. It turns out that there is this health database and anything you tell them goes on there...for 7 years. You'll never get life or health insurance or anything if you tell them that you've smoked like 1 cigarette in the past year. So anyway, he tells us to call them and withdraw our application before it goes in this database. man! i'm so glad we were able to do that.

So things i'm thankful for (THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!! KARMA, WE WILL PAY YOU BACK!)
1. That i was able to get a reasonable paying job right after jay got fired (i shudder to think what we would have done if i hadn't gotten my teaching degree yet.)
2. that jay and i both worked for a short time enabling us to get some savings to weather this month where we would have had a deficit
3. that the one and ONLY time that anyone in our family has gone to the ER it was while we still had kick-ass public employee health insurance that we have to pay nothing out of pocket for (4 days under the wire...)
4. that we may have just saved ourselves from being branded uninsurable for 7 years and not being able to get health insurance due to a random encounter with a really cool, really nice insurance agent
5. that our renters insurance is still in effect and covers barry biting the mailman (dammit, barry, why?!? why?!!?)
6. that we are all in good health
7. that we have wonderful families who support us and were even willing to let us move in with them, if it came to that.

so even though our family has been through a LOT of, dare i say, shit, in the past 6 months--way more than our fair share in my opinion--there have been a lot of silver linings, too, that have really saved our butts.

2008 goals and resolutions

Now that i'm substitute teaching full time, we have time to do projects around the house again and actually live mindfully again, instead of stumbling through each day like a sleep-deprived zombie. Our big project at the moment is organizing/decluttering our whole house. It sounds like a chore, but really it's not too bad. One of the side benefits of moving all the time is that you don't get a chance to accumulate too much stuff. We are just going through everything drawer-by-drawer and area-by-area and getting rid of stuff that we don't love/need/use. i'm really thinning out the kids' toys. Our house is so much easier to keep clean when there aren't 100000 little pieces of plastic laying around everywhere. My goal is to have all the counter space free of stuff that isn't used daily, as well as not having a junk drawer in every room. I want to reorganize our garage, too. Its scary in there. Since we will be moving sometime in the next 6 months, I want to only move things that we really need or want. Especially since the place will be smaller. Its nice to go back to basics, in a lot of ways, and be forced to do that by moving into a smaller space. It makes you consider each item and if its really valuable.

I've been reading several blogs about living without plastics. One of them is Living Plastic Free Although I don't think we could live TOTALLY plastic-free, i think we could cut it back by A LOT. Things like a loaf of bread, which now costs $4.39 (!?!) are bagged in TWO layers of plastic. Now that jay has the stay-at-home dad thing down, I am hoping we can get back into making our own bread. Its pretty easy, and its fun to do with kids. I think with just a few changes, we can get back to making less garbage. We've been somewhat reliant on disposable items such as diapers and food from Trader Joe's lately. But we shouldn't be at this point. The amount of garbage we've started to produce is just sad. Considering that we were down to like 1 bag of garbage a month. We make that amount each week now : ( So I would like our second goal of the New Year to be cutting back on all plastic, and especially cutting way back on stuff that can't be recycled.

Last weekend I took our worm bin and pulled some worms out and started a second worm bin. They are a little sluggish--i'm assuming because its cold out--and aren't eating a lot. But if we do move, its likely that we wont be able to have an outdoor compost bin. So i want to have two worm bins to take care of the kitchen scraps at least.

hayyy laaaadies!

just a short post to let all the women out there know about the best thing ever. why this is such a big secret, i'm not sure. but if you are interested in reducing/preventing waste AND not having...um...leaking issues during your period, you must go buy a diva cup or moon cup. it took me a while to get used to it, but now that i am, i LOVE it. it's expensive at first, but consider that you can use it for years.
http://www.divacup.com/
or
http://www.mooncup.co.uk/

just get one. i've heard that the mooncup can be more comfortable. i already got the diva though, so i'm committed to making it work. its just one more way to not buy disposable products. and i HATE wearing pads, cloth or disposable, so this is the only non-disposable alternative to that.

merry post-holiday greeting

happy new year everyone...





















This post will serve as the substitute for the more traditional letter-in-a-christmas-card that informs everyone about what they have been doing. we have not gotten our act together to do anything for the holidays in terms of cards, baking, gifts, etc. I had big plans to bake stuff to mail to the far-away relatives, and never did get a chance to. We did give a few books this year, and i bought people some things in ireland (more on that in a moment).

we were really pretty pleased/impressed with how restrained our families were this holiday season. most presents were hand-me-downs or used, which was awesome. there was a minimum of wrapping paper, most of which was recycled, and the stuff for us adults was very small. still, it can be a bit overwhelming to consider that this (photo below) is what counts for trying for a very minimalist christmas. our entire couch was covered in presents for the kids.


we continue to be pretty non-committal about any gift-giving. we just aren't into it, and kind of refuse to feel like we should buy things for people and get all stressed about it. when the kids are older, i suspect that we will make some things, but right now that idea seems kind of ludicrous since we don't even get time to do dishes.

as for how things are going, the kids are doing well. as you can see, emmett is huge and has become an official toddler. he's 13 months old now. he runs around after elsie now and we've seen brief moments (of up to 10 minutes!) of them playing together and entertaining each other, whilst leaving us alone. hopefully it's a taste of things to come in the future. he also loves to eat everything and does a lot of babbling and playing with all sorts of objects. he understands what we say now and can follow simple commands such as 'hand me that ball'. he is much more eager to please, sensitive and compliant than elsie ever was. he will cry if we tell him 'no', whereas elsie never cared if we told her not to do something (and still doesn't!) elsie is growing bigger by the minute, and will be four in 2 months. she has started sounding out words, and can write her name and several other words. she loves to read still, and proudly announces that she now reads "chapter books" which she requests constantly. her vocabulary amazes us on a daily basis, saying things like "i have this memorized" and "is this a sand-hill crane, mama?" (today, she brought me a picture she found of a crane. where she heard about sand hill cranes, i have no idea). we've kept to our TV free lifestyle but do allow her to watch movies which we get from the library or video store. emmett hasn't watched any movies or tv.

elsie loves spending time down at her grandparents' house and we send her down there as often as we can. her behavior has gotten easier recently, and we've noticed that we aren't feeling like ripping our hair out quite as many times per day. the terrible threes are hopefully coming to a close.

my job as a teacher ended just before christmas, which is at once a relief, something sad, and something stressful. i really felt like i came into my own as a teacher toward the end, and i was sad to have to leave the job after hitting my stride. i was really enjoying my students. they were really sweet on my last day, many of them getting me christmas presents, cards, and flowers telling me that they will miss me and that they wanted me to stay. there were a few tears shed and i had a couple of students tell me wonderful things such as i was the best teacher they ever had (sniff). it was sad to realize i wasn't going to see them any more. it feels good to know that i really picked the right career and i learned a lot during these past months. i am excited to get a 'real' teaching job for next year or the year after.

at the same time, the job was taking a lot out of me, and it was very hard to keep up with.
jay has been doing some work here and there for his friend david, who just started a cultural resources company (david was the one who also got fired along with jay and 2 other people from AINW in august). in combination with substitute teaching for me, we are hopeful that we can make it through the next 6 months financially with both of us working very flexibly. it will be kind of nice to switch off working/staying at home on an as-needed basis. we have talked about moving to salem and renting a cheap apartment, while i sub there, but we are going to hold off in the hopes that jay will land a full time job in the next few months and then see if moving is necessary. the idea of moving is almost more than i can deal with. i'm just so sick of moving. but our place is kind of expensive and it would be nice to save some money. however, if jay does end up getting a job, it would be silly to move to salem and then to move back. we have some reason to hope that david will have a full time position for him in the next 6 months. i'm hoping that he can work and i can work part time, as i'd rather not jump into full time teaching next year unless i have to. i'd rather wait until emmett is 3 to tackle that. still, if jay doesn't have a job, we'll have no choice. subbing is OK money, but we might have problems when summer comes if jay doesn't have a job. we are trying not to stress about it too much. sometimes it just feels like we can't take any more changes and adjustments, though. nothing has been stable since August.

In other news, i just got back from an 7 day trip to ireland, which was absolutely amazing. My good friend roy got married to a wonderful irish woman, which was the reason for the trip. it was amazing and crazy to be by myself with no kids for so long, and offered me an unprecedented chance to think and take care of my own needs for a change. the kids and jay weathered it fairly well with lots of support from my family. i decided while over there that our family should not postpone happiness for some time in the future, when things might go a certain way; that we have each other, and in that regard we are very lucky and blessed. we are all working on focusing on the positive for now and realizing that everything is temporary. i felt very grateful and very, very fortunate to get to go on this trip and to be with my friends during this time.




the wedding feast in longford, ireland













roy and i at trinity college, dublin.











at some point i will post pictures of the kids and everything, but right now i don't think i can take any more elsie harassment about 'when will you be done?!?'

just one final thought: during these past few months it has become apparent to me that it is entirely impossible for people who are in a crisis to think about the environment, or anything beyond just their day-to-day survival. a lot of things fell by the wayside as we contemplated more important things, for example: are we were going to have to move in with my parents? how we were going to get health insurance? how we could afford to heat our house? etc. people all over the world, and in america, are in crisis and are just trying to survive. many, many millions of americans are only one paycheck or medical problem away from disaster. how can people think about their choices affecting the earth when they are just surviving? i know we didn't. we went back to whatever was cheapest/easiest, which always means less organics, more trash, less mindful consuming, etc. it's a pity, but its hard to imagine anything changing in a meaningful way while so many people are in poverty. its obvious that global poverty and environmental catastrophe are linked, and our family now understands the reasons for this first-hand.

here are a few pictures to appease the masses. thanks for reading this long ramble.