Has it been a year?

I think its been about a year since I started this blog, which is crazy. Looking back at our goals, we've done ok in some areas, not so good in others. We drive quite a bit, although we do bike more now. We never could buy only in bulk, although we try. So not buying packaged stuff is pretty much impossible for us right now. Also, since food prices have gone up so much, we've had to stop buying as much organic stuff, which is really too bad. But the price difference is sometimes just too much to swallow.

Still, we do only put out a small garbage can once a month, sometimes one and a half per month, we do still compost and recycle everything, still use cloth diapers, etc. And its only may and we are already eating out of our garden, with the expectation that we wont have to buy any produce from the store between june and october, and possibly beyond depending on how much freezing/canning we get done. We have simplified life enough that we have been living on substitute teacher wages and jay's part time work, and have paid off 1/3 of our car's payment in a year. We do ok on water conservation and line drying our clothes when the weather permits. we make our own laundry soap and are using bar soap for shampoo, conditioner, pet wash, hand soap, etc. We have zero chemical cleaners in our house and wash everything with vinegar, baking soda and castille soap. So i feel pretty good. We could do a LOT better if we didn't drive. We have kept our thermostat low all winter, and i think the car is our main carbon output, which i feel bad about. its just SO hard to motivate yourself to ride your bike when its rainy and cold, which is pretty much always is.

I applied for a lot of jobs, and got interviewed at 2, Corvallis and Gresham, and ended up not getting either after getting through 2 rounds and was #2 in both jobs (doesn't really help to come in second when there is only one job) and that was bit disappointing and frustrating. So i'll keep applying. Jay is interviewing for a job in two weeks, but i'm trying not to get my hopes up, because the disappointments in the job-area have been a bit much this past year and I don't want to feel that way again.

The Good Life

I wrote this post a few weeks ago and didn't post it because I feel like everything I'm saying lately is negative, and i don't want to seem like the most miserable person on earth. I'm not really. I'm trying to get out of a funk...
but I'm going to post it anyway.

I catch myself a lot lately brooding, bitter and snarky. I feel like I've developed quite a sense of self entitlement for some reason. Jay and I both have. I think we both chose careers that aren't big money makers because we like them. That's all well and good (it's what you are 'supposed' to do, after all) and yet, I find myself looking at people who don't struggle with money as much as we do with envy. We chose to have kids at a young age. It has advantages, and drawbacks. The obvious drawbacks are that you have less money when you are young. Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine living my life for anything other than my children, but sometimes I do wonder what our lives would look like right now if we had waited to have kids, if we had chosen careers that paid a bit more...
we'd be where my other friends are, which is owning a house and not having student debt, not having no freetime and a house that, no matter how much we clean, never gets un-messy.


I can't help but feel that the only difference between my life and the Good Life is my attitude. We were both raised as middle-class white kids. I think the expectation is that you will meet or exceed your parent's living standards. I'm very bitter that we have so much student debt (both of our fathers got PhDs for free), can't buy a house (both of our families bought their first home with young children on one income), find work with real job security (both dads had the same job for 30 years, both moms had the same career for 20+ years). I feel like we aren't being given near the opportunities their generation had. And yet, we have so much more than most people in the world, so I have no right to be bitter...


So the reason i'm not feeling like this is The Good/Happy Life is just my attitude. Maybe I should just suck it up, truly be happy for all that I have? Instead of being pissed that I'm approaching 30 and feel like I will never get out from under student debt, buy a house, feel stable, have good health insurance, and so many other things that made the Baby Boomer generation the luckiest generation on earth.


I am interviewing for a number of teaching positions right now. Can I just say that one of the things that makes me feel bitter is how undervalued teachers are. I feel really--pissed--(there is no nice way to put that) that a teacher with a Masters Degree that cost them over $20k to obtain will make somewhere between $35000 to $40000 in their first year. Our family struggles to pay our modest rent and food and student loan bills on less than $45000 a year. I mean, its just children and their future, right? why would we pay teachers a living wage?


Maybe I need to spend less time focusing on the external stuff and be happy for the things that truly matter. It just gets hard sometimes. I feel like I'm one of the last ones of my friends still living like a "kid"--renting, moving every 18 months, trying to get a job, etc. sometimes i really do just want to run away, buy a school bus and live in the woods. I'm tired of the crap which seems to just keep piling up that I can't deal with, things that real grownups have to deal with all the time, but seem to stress me out.