So...like what's new? (for the past 6 months)

Well let's see, not much. I just gave birth to twins (for another family) and we bought a house and moved, and the economy tanked, and...well, i guess that's about it. I can't believe i haven't written anything here in 6 months!

I have been thinking recently about how lax i've gotten on so many of the original goals i had when starting this blog. For example, since buying this house i've gone on a massive consumption spree, buying more new stuff than i have purchased in years. And it just seems like our family is not on top of our waste production at all. Moving was stressful (while 8 mo pregnant with twins no less) and we are just finally getting settled into the new house. In the meantime, we weren't composting, we were throwing away tons of trash, we were eating out a ton, we were buying lots of over-packaged food items, we were using more disposable diapers, etc. Oh, and did I mention we haven't been vegan? For so long now, i don't know if our kids can handle the transition back... they may be psuedo-vegans (or straight-up carnivores) for the rest of their lives now because of my lapse :( We weren't eating meat (oh, except fish) but lots of eggs and lots of dairy.

Now that the state budget crisis has made it painfully clear that I WON'T be getting a job in the fall, and neither will any other new-ish teacher, I am trying to think about how I want our lives to be structured. We live in outer SE portland now, and Jay takes the bus to work every day. His company actually buys them all an annual pass now, which is amazing. In the past two years, we've averaged 7000 miles a year on the car, which is better than most Americans, but still so far above where i'd like to be. Since, at best, I'll be subbing again next year, what DO I want to focus my energy on? Elsie will be going to a kindergarten that's about 2.5 miles from our house. In contradiction to everything I've ever said, I simply could not send her to our neighborhood school. They are a "failing" school, which means a huge percent of their kids don't meet benchmarks by grades 5 and 8. I just don't think she will be well-served by the school. Plus, i've substituted there and its totally the kind of public school that people are talking about when they decide to homeschool, with more of a focus on lines and making the students be quiet than unleashing their potential.

So i'm working on a full-fledged re-emergence into our original goals which not working full time next year will certainly make easier. We live 1/2 a mile from our community farmer's market and i plan to get the majority of our produce there. I also am planning on doing some serious bike riding/bussing/eliminating the car as much as possible for now. The new green line Max is going in just 10 blocks from our house, and also has a stop at elsie's new school, so that will help with that. We have just re-pledged ourselves to veganism and there are only a few items left in our fridge that aren't vegan. And I have made a much better effort to only buy used items again (curse you, Ikea!!) and plan to stick to that. We got rid of SO much stuff when we moved, i feel like the items we own are totally used and needed and functional. Our space is really liveable now and is really uncluttered. We are also getting off all the disposable convenience items that we've used these past months, mostly diapers.

One big project for this summer is an energy audit of our house. We need to fully insulate the attic and build a wall to the unfinished part of the basement (currently you have to pay to heat even the gross crawlspace) and put in some new windows this summer. Hopefully that will help us keep the heat costs down when winter rolls back around (trying not to even think about that right now on this beautiful day in may).

I'll be posting more often to hold myself accountable and to keep track of progress. One measurable thing is how often we are putting our trash out. right now our 15 gal can is going out completely full every week, and i hope to get that down to twice a month, and eventually once a month.

The holidays

I guess "The Holidays" are upon us, because I have started hearing things about "are you done with your shopping?" and seeing the decorations.

I know it gives some people great joy and pleasure to engage in all the holiday business, and this isn't really directed at them, this is for the rest of us. To me, when I think about "The Holidays" a few keywords come to mind: obligation, stress, consumption, waste. It isn't about being a freaky hippy, it truly gives me no pleasure to think about getting a gift for everyone in my family.

First of all, I'm terribly un-creative about this sort of thing. Secondly, we never have the money. Even if we only spent $20 per immediate family member, that's like $500. We have a pretty big "immediate" family. Thirdly, it all just makes me feel guilty. I'm sure that is not what this event is supposed to be all about. I hate shopping, and almost never buy anything that isn't food. When I do, its at Goodwill. But if I tell everyone we aren't getting them stuff, or not to get us anything, I don't feel like I'm just being true to myself, I feel like I'm being a jerk. Or a "scrooge" or whatever. Fourthly, all the stuff about consumption, waste, and cheap plastic crap from China.

This year, I do have a little bit more time (and money) than last year, so the idea of making things for people is a bit more realistic. But again, I'm not very creative and the idea of trying to make something for people makes me break out in a cold sweat. The only thing I know how to do is knit, and I've been working on one sweater for 12 years (seriously!) It would probably take me at least 40 hours to make a hat, and so there is no way for me to knit something for everyone.

I'm going to *TRY* as hard as I can to come up with some easy ideas of things to do for other people that are simple and genuine. I will *TRY* to do one of these things for each of the families we should feel obligated to do something for. I'd like this to come from a spirit of really just wanting to do something nice for the people we care about. If it doesn't, if it feels like a huge chore or obligation, I'm not going to do it. I just can't.

Anyway, here are my ideas:
*Bake goods for people
*Make christmas orniments for family
*Take nice pictures of the kids and frame them
*some kind of class or experience
*uh...

See?! I told you I'm not very creative! I'm going to add to this list as I think of things...If you have any great ideas, please let me know!!

oh, and don't forget. Next friday is Buy Nothing Day!!

Least updated blog ever

I'm just going to ramble here for awhile. I feel like I need to get some thoughts out, in no particular order. And its going to be a pity party, so excuse me for that.

After Jay got his new job in June, it seemed like the logical thing to do would be for me to stay home. I went to a few other job interviews--i think i went to 6 in total, and i was offered like 9 interviews in all. I didn't get any offers. I got told the same thing over and over: that i was an excellent candidate, a great teacher, but there was one other candidate who was a bit more qualified, or who used to work for the district and just came back, or whatever. Its no good being second best when there is only one job.

But I felt fine about it. Fall rolled around and I felt weird, like I have every year since student teaching, when i know everyone is getting back into their classrooms and here i sit...my career doing...something. I wonder if I'll be un-hireable next year because of the amount of time i've spent psuedo-working since getting my teaching license. I think about all the teachers getting their rooms ready, about all the students i had last year and wondering how they are adjusting.

But mostly I felt like substitute teaching was an easy gig. Its very easy, in fact. Its just not very rewarding. But for this year, with Emmett not even being 2 yet, and Elsie's co-op preschool being 3 days a week (and only 3 hours at a time), and all the logistics, me being a sub and mostly staying home with the kids seemed like a good way to go.

But so far, i've not been subbing at all. There is always something, some reason why I cant, or i just don't get calls (I havent been called nearly as much as i was last year from january-june when i subbed), or the kids are sick, or i'm sick, or childcare isn't available, or whatever. So i'm basically a stay at home parent since June, which I hadn't been since summer of '07 when Jay lost his job originally.

And it sucks. I'm hating it. The kids are hard to deal with, and its boring. its frustrating and i can't keep my temper. I feel like a failure as a parent. I'm tired of only meeting people's needs and never doing anything that's intellectually stimulating. I worry and worry that I won't get a job for next year, and that my teaching career will be over before its even begun. I worry that my teaching experience is going to hurt me, rather than help me. It seems like with teaching, its all about being in the right place at the right time, and I never am.

Winter is setting in, and i just feel trapped. Like there is nothing to do and nowhere to go. There is no escape from the constant whining, cleaning, demands and destruction of raising two little kids. I have no time and nothing to myself. I think about getting another job, but doing what? I wish i wasn't in a career where hiring ONLY happens once a year, and where every district wasn't laying people off and making massive cuts across the board. I feel like I need something, anything, besides this and i just cant think of what it could be.

I know i shouldn't feel this way, but I do: that everyone has something going on besides me. People are in school, people's careers are moving forward, people are hanging out with friends or doing projects on their house, people are going on nice vacations, people are having freedom of some kind and not spending every weekend feeling totally frustrated and tired of their kids' BS but not knowing what to do to escape them or get out of the house. I am sure that everyone has their own problems and that their lives aren't really any more exciting or fufilling than mine, but even as I type that, I can't help but feel that...yeah, they really are.

I know this is easier for now. Its simpler. It saves us money. It conserves our resources. It keeps us from being g0-go-go crazy, spending 3 hours a day in your car-type people. Next year, if I am teaching, life will be chaotic, hectic and stressful. We'll be juggling Elsie's kindergarten schedule, her after-school care schedule, my job and possible long commute (that is a sacrifice I may have to make in order to get a job next year), jay's job, and Emmett's daycare. Not to mention the fact that we plan to move this spring, and have no idea where we will live and where Elsie might go to school, in addition to not knowing where I will work. Thinking about all of that makes me feel like I should be greatful for my current schedule. I get to be there for my kids, not just in the evenings and weekends, but all the time. I don't have to worry about dropping off and picking up (except to take elsie to school 3 days a week, but its not conflicting with anything). I don't have to wonder about how much daycare and after school care is eating into my already fairly small paycheck.

I mean, isn't raising your children the most important "job" you can have? i know plenty of moms out there would kill to stay home with their kids but cant afford it or whatever. The grass is always greener. Yes, its simpler and i dont have the guilt of a working mom, but i have the guilt of a mom who is burned out, who yells at her kids too much, who feels bad that she doesn't enjoy being around them most of the time, who feel like she gets treated like a slave. I know i'm not doing "nothing" but i feel directionless, like my life has no meaning. And i have at least another 9 months to go before any kind of major change could theortically happen (and that's IF i get a teaching job next year). Sometimes i feel like "wow, i have so many possibilities of what i could do"...but that is rare. Rather than feeling like anything is possible and everything is wide open, i feel like nothing is going to happen.

I'm a happy recycling nerd

Because our blue roll carts are here!
http://www.portlandonline.com/osd/index.cfm?c=44752

we get to recycle EVERYTHING together in a giant roll cart. the only thing we cant put in there is glass. We can even recycle margerine/yogurt type tubs in there, which previously we had to take to a special recycling place.

I know there are a few other people in Portland who couldn't wait for their recycling cart, but I seriously LOVE being able to mix paper, plastic, cardboard and everything else together. Its just so nice when a city makes recycling easy and a pleasure to do. Hopefully this will increase our already awesome city recycling rate.

Zero waste community

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7502071.stm

The Mayor of Kamikatsu, a small community in the hills of eastern Japan, has urged politicians around the world to follow his lead and make their towns "Zero Waste".
He told BBC News that all communities could learn from Kamikatsu, where residents have to compost all their food waste and sort other rubbish into 34 different categories.
Residents say the scheme has prompted them to cut down on waste generally and food waste in particular.
If the policy spread, it would reduce the amount of food waste, and so take some of the pressure off high food prices.
Kamikatsu may be a backwater in the wooded hills and rice terraces of south-eastern Japan but it's become a world leader on waste policy.
There are no waste collections from households at all. People have to take full responsibility for everything they throw away.
It's a good idea to send things back to the earth so I support it
Hatsue Katayama
Kitchen waste has to be composted. Non-food waste is processed either in local shops which accept goods for recycling or in Kamikatsu's Zero Waste Centre. There, people have to sort their unwanted items into 34 different boxes for recycling.
Residents have to sort plastic bottles (used for fruit juice, for example) from PET (polyethylene teraphthalate) bottles (used for mineral water) because PET is more valuable when it is separated out.
There are specific boxes for pens, razors and the sort of Styrofoam trays on which meat is often purchased. These have to be washed and dried.
The scheme was adopted when councillors realised it was much cheaper than incineration - even if the incinerator was used to generate power.
Winning idea
Many locals are enthusiastic participants. Take Kikue Nii, who strips labels off bottles then washes and dries them before sending them to recycling.
She takes her other everyday waste to the local shop where she receives a lottery ticket in return for a bag of cans.

The community uses incentives to encourage recylcing
She has won a £5 food voucher four times. It's not a huge amount but it's better than nothing.
She is also a big fan of composting.
"I think I produce less waste because I have to compost it," she says.
"When I can't use the whole vegetable or meat, I try to cook it again with wine and so on. It makes a very good soup. Everyone should have a composter if they can."
Her neighbours Fumikazu Katayama and his wife Hatsue are ardent composters, too.
Hatsue says: "I have to do it every day; it's certainty a bit of work. But it's a good idea to send things back to the earth so I support it. I just do it naturally now; it's part of the routine."
The Katayamas take the rest of their waste to the Zero Waste Centre for sorting - carrying the waste bag between them.
Global question
Questions remain about the scheme. Some of the composters are boosted by electric power, which creates greenhouse gas emissions.
And it's possible that the savings in greenhouse gases from recycling are negated by the need for people to drive to the Zero Waste Centre.

Old curtains or kimonos are expertly converted into bags
Natsuko Matsuoka, one of the originators of the centre, disagrees - she says people generally tie in the journey with a weekly shopping trip.
A poll showed that although the Zero Waste policy has many admirers, 40% of people weren't happy about all aspects of the scheme.
The Mayor Kasamatsu Kasuichi is undeterred: "We should consider what is right and what is wrong, and I believe it is wrong to send a truck to collect the waste and burn it.
"That is bad for the environment. So whether I get support or not, I believe I should persuade people to support my policy."
Now he invites other politicians around the world to follow suit

our garden

This year we planted a TON of broccoli. We also were more strategic about where things are located. We had a lot of volunteer sunflowers and tomatoes. oh yes, and jay and elsie made a scarecrow out of scrap lumber. Crows must be pretty dumb because they really don't go in the garden anymore. Now we just need a scareslug.

From front to back we have: zuchinni, oregano, cabbage, eggplant, tomatoes, peppers, basil, strawberries, turnips, beets, sunflowers, broccoli, lettuce, spinach (gone now), cilantro and more spinach (just planted), lettuce, sweet snap peas, parsley, radishes, more broccoli, kale (2 kinds), collard greens and more broccoli. In the way back is a very young raspberry bush that didn't produce this year. Otherwise its been a very good year so far since we planted in march and had good results from that. We will also plant our winter stuff earlier this year (like in august).

Pets and pesticides

So as I was looking at my pets recently and thinking about how I need to flea-treat them pretty soon, i started thinking about the products i use to flea treat. we have done a lot of work as a family to eliminate toxins from our lives. we garden organically, we no longer use chemicals in our house, I buy organic, non-toxic sunscreen, and i even make sure the cups we drink out of are safe non-leaching plastic, glass or metal. I've gotten rid of all cookware that contains aluminum or teflon. We don't use commerical shampoos or laundry soap. We wont use deet or chemical bug repellent. Not only do I worry about the effects these kinds of things would have on our family's health, but I worry about the way they are produced, the by-products of their making, and the packaging they use, and the impact all of these things have on the environment.
And yet, i was not hesitant to buy a very potent toxic flea-killer to place directly on my pet's skin. A chemical that is absorbed in their body, and then released through their pores for over a month. What effect does this have on my pets? or my children as they lay on them, or ingest their hairs? How are these chemicals produced? I'm sure the answers to these questions are disturbing.
I found an article that scared the crap out of me:
http://www.apnm.org/publications/resources/fleachemfin.pdf
and made me think that I might not want to use these products any longer. I'm now on the hunt for non-toxic alternatives that actually work.